WHAT IT MEANS TO BE AN OFFICER’S WIFE

Ed as new TAC Officer

Ed’s assignment after Vietnam was at Ft. Walters as a TAC officer, training young flight students. Since at the end of their training, the soldiers would be officers, there was a lot of officer training involved. Things hade lightened up and more wives had joined their husbands there than when Ed went through, so I had a new calling—training the wives who were there to adjust to the army and life as an officer’s wife.

I received a book, The Army Wife, by Nancy Shea, and I began my indoctrination, along with those wives whose husbands were being trained by my husband. It said, “Every Army wife has three basic responsibilities:

1.   

My Army Bible

“To make a congenial home.

2.    “To rear a family of which he will be proud.

3.    “To strengthen her husband’s morale.”[i]

An officer’s wife, in addition to the above responsibilities must also, “promote morale and spirit. . . calling on the bride or newcomer by setting up a roster. . . arrange get-togethers for the officer’s wives. These social functions may take the form of coffees or teas.[ii]”

In fact, the officer’s wife’s responsibility is to take care of all the wives of the soldiers your husband commands. Since my husband was training the husbands to be officers, I learned early that it meant that I had to train the new wives what to do, and get to know all the wives of the troops under my husband’s command.

COFFEES, TEAS AND ENTERTAINING

I learned about formal calling cards (which I purchased) and the archaic use of this 1800s custom. On my calling card, I was not Beth Dayley, but Mrs. Edward Dayley. I also received a little silver tray to hold the cards. 

I learned that formal Teas had a lot of etiquette involved.

“The tea table, with a silver tea service at one end and a coffee service at the other, will be presided over by a close friend of the hostess or the ranking officer’s wife.[iii]” I learned that there is a distinct precedent over who serves the tea and coffee and for how long (usually not more than 15 minutes), but it is done by rank, from the highest-ranking officer’s wife through the ranks. This was a big thing! A mistake could ruin your life, or so they said.

Ed & I at reception (on left); notice gloves in lady's hand

“All guests converse with one another, whether they have been introduced or not.[iv]”I learned this not from a tea, but from a formal party we went to. I am very shy, and didn’t want to mingle. Ed gave me an assignment, “Before you can come back and talk to me, you must talk to three other people. Ask about their lives, their children, but no army stuff.” So, off I went; whenever I had fulfilled that assignment, he would give me another three-person assignment. I learned to mingle, despite myself!

A formal tea was a delicate event

When Ed became a company commander, I found the Tea situation very delicate. I don’t drink tea or coffee, nor did I have a silver tea or coffee. So, I would ask one of the lieutenant’s wives to bring tea or coffee and use their silver services. This upset Ed’s battalion commander’s wife, who thought I was being a bad example. Therefore, our farewell gift from the battalion was a beautiful silver and glass carafe that I could elegantly serve tea or coffee in!

My silver & glass carafe

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[i] The Army Wife, Nancy Shea, Harper & Row Publishers, Inc., Fourth Edition, 1966, NY, NY. page 7.

[ii] Ibid, page 9.

[iii] Ibid, page 155

[iv] Ibid, page 154