Christmas is for Miracles

Christmas is a time for miracles. A time for love and sacrifice—of sharing and giving. It is a time when we remember the Savior and the wonderful gifts we receive at this special season.

I remember a cold Christmas morning in Alabama we shared in a tiny trailer. Ed was going through

Our 1966 homemade Christmas tree

flight school and we were so poor we didn’t have a phone and all our possessions fit in our car. We couldn’t afford a Christmas tree so Ed scrounged pieces of greenery and build a small three-foot tree of chicken wire and broken pine pieces. My dad sent us boxes of Danish Dessert for our gift, and we cut out pictures from the newspapers of all the items we’d give each other “someday” and gave them to each other as our dream gifts.

The army gave us gifts: 1. two weeks off –but we had nowhere to go so we sat in our trailer playing monopoly and other games with other poor flight students and 2. Orders for Ed to go to Vietnam as soon as he finished flight school. The water pipes in the trailer froze so we had no water, but we scrounged everywhere under seat cushions and in the car until we found 100 cents and called home for three minutes. We had each other and love and that was enough.

Our Christmas gift--Marlowe 1967

I remember the next Christmas day when I came home from the hospital with Marlowe. I had been able to talk to Ed on the phone through the Red Cross and tell him about his new son, and even though a war separated us, we had each other, Marlowe, and love; we were a family now, and that was enough.

So many Christmases throughout the year were special, but another one I remember as blessed –even a Christmas miracle—was one in Italy when Ed was in the hospital in Vicenza. His left arm was extremely sore and getting progressively worse, but the doctors couldn’t find out what was wrong with it. The doctors tried with all their medical skills to identify the problem with his arm, and failed; Ed’s arm became worse until it reached a crisis on a December night when Ed paced the hospital floor. Despite the maximum amount of pain medications given him, he was in far too much pain to rest. I talked to him by phone and realized how serious the situation was, and I was waiting only until dawn to call our home teachers to ask them to give him a priesthood blessing. 

Suddenly, about 4:30 a.m. when my daughter went out to deliver the newspapers, she came rushing back to report that our home teacher Bob DeWitt was outside our house. Bob explained he had come to pick up our neighbor to fly to Turkey, but they had just been notified that their flight was postponed. Bob contacted another priesthood holder and they went over to the hospital at 5:00 a.m. and gave Ed a priesthood blessing before Bob flew to Turkey. Bob called and told me that in his blessing he’d blessed Ed with comfort and that he’d been inspired to bless Ed that he’d recover his health, and the use of his arm completely.

 

Ed in Landstuhl for Christmas 1985

Those words shocked me. Nothing was seriously wrong with Ed, was there? Soon after that blessing the surgeon examined Ed and noticed that Ed’s hand was becoming atrophied and his fingers were curled like claws. When more x-rays did not show anything, but there was obviously something damaging the nerves in Ed’s hand, the surgeon, radiologist and flight surgeon tried something they’d never tried before--they used they prenatal ultrasound machine to examine Ed’s arm.  It detected an infectious abscess deep in the muscle of Ed’s arm, near the bone—invisible to X-rays. 

They did an emergency operation to drain the abscess and Ed was transferred immediately to the regional medical hospital in Germany. Before Ed left, the surgeon explained told me that a lot of nerve damage had already occurred in Ed’s arm and hand, and that another couple of hours without surgery could have meant that Ed would have lost the complete use of his arm. I flew with Ed to Landstuhl in the medical evacuation plane. Ed spent Christmas in Germany in the hospital, but I made it home on Christmas Eve to be with my daughters. My sons had gone elsewhere for Christmas because we didn't know whether I'd make it back to Italy. 

Nine months in army hospitals in eighteen months and multiple surgeries would occur before Ed would recover, but the priesthood blessing was fulfilled. Ed recovered his health—and the use of his hand—completely.  A postponed flight and a priesthood blessing were wonderful Christmas blessings.

In 2007 we had another Christmas miracle that we didn’t even recognize as such at first. Ed was in a

Ed in 2007 before Christmas

minor car accident a day or so before Christmas. He was hit in an intersection by a young woman who ran a red light and hit his car right in the wheel area. It knocked his car around and he hit his head on the side window and was unconscious for a few seconds.

Apparently, it turned the car around and hit the rear of his car again before he ended up on the side of the road facing 90 degrees from where he had been going. It totaled the car and he had a headache so he was advised by the paramedics and the policeman to be checked out at the emergency room. 

Even then I doubt if he would have gone if I hadn’t come to pick him up and I insisted that since I was driving that’s where we were going--to the ER.  Since he had been knocked unconscious the emergency room personnel insisted on a CT scan even if Ed didn't think it was necessary and we walked over and got the CT scan and walked back. We were getting ready to leave, thinking everything was normal when the doctor returned and reported that there appeared to be no damage from the accident, but that the CT scan had shown a medium to large-sized aneurysm.

From that point on, Ed got royal treatment—rushed to the University of Utah hospital in an ambulance with a paramedical and EMT, sent directly to a trauma room where he was treated like he was in danger of dying, with neck brace, backboard, IVs in both arms. He kept saying, “I’m okay. I just have a headache and an aneurysm.” After further CT scans and tests by more neurosurgeons, they reported that the aneurysm hadn’t ruptured due to the trauma of the accident, but they wanted to keep him in an observation room until 12 hours after the accident to make sure. Finally, about 3:00 a.m. they took the backboard off, but he had the neck brace on all night. The neurosurgeons made sure he was okay and had an appointment to be seen in the neurosurgery clinic in January for follow up on what to do about the aneurysm before they released him. 

But the real miracle was that the aneurysm was found and located before it burst and that it could be

Ed after aneurysm surgery

taken care of. It wasn’t fun to have an aneurysm, but it was better to find one before it ruptured and could be taken care of than after it ruptured. I felt it was truly a Christmas miracle that he had the minor accident that made it necessary for him to get a CT scan, even if it wasted a good Christmas shopping night and day and he was  stiff and sore and had a headache. And the car he totaled was the old 1993 Nissan that Diana and Bryan used forever. Ed had been wanting an excuse to get a new car and there it was! The surgery to fix the aneurysm in January went well!

Ed's last Christmas

In 2014 we had another miracle with Ed's health. In 2010, Ed's emphysema became so bad that he received a lung transplant which gave him four and a half good years. During that time, Ed and I traveled to Australia, New Zealand, Denmark, England, Ireland, Scotland, and did many other memorable things. We had gained three grandchildren and life was good. Then Ed had some problems with his bad lung collapsing, and he grew worse and worse. After many operations, illnesses, treatments, December 2014 found Ed very weak and ill. Then on Christmas day, we realized he had the flu. He'd had the flu shot, but apparently it wasn't a good match and didn't work well. 

All Christmas day, Ed was so sick and struggling so hard to breathe that I wanted him to go to the hospital. But his grandson, James, was on a mission in Costa Rica and was supposed to call home. Athena's family was at our house and we were awaiting the call from Costa Rica. It came as a Skype call which was broadcast on our large-screen TV. Ed was able to hear from James, although Ed couldn't talk by that time. The day after Christmas, Ed was so weak he couldn't walk, so he was carried to the car to be transported to the hospital where he died two weeks later. But he had been able to spend his last Christmas with his family and to Skype with his grandson as he had wanted to. 

Sometimes Miracles are large and obvious; other times they are small and sweet. Ed's last Christmas was the last. 

Ranting and Raving about Neurological Disorders

There is a program on TV this season called Limitless, whose premise is that a man can take a pill and unleash far greater intellectual knowledge than normally possible. His mind can function limitlessly. There are tremendous downsides to this treatment, though, and how to deal with them is a great story. http://www.cbs.com/shows/limitless/

Unfortunately, there is no “limitless” pill today, but as I look back on my family’s history of a number of neurological disorders, including depression, ADHD, ADD and Anxiety Disorders, I think how some of the treatments for these may seem like that “limitless pill.”

Today there are many medications that I think act somewhat like this miracle pill, and yet there is controversy over whether to take them or not. I’m referring to treatments for ADHD, ADD, Anxiety Attacks, and all the mental illnesses. The medications (magic pills) used don’t make a person smarter, but they correct neurological imbalances in the brain so the individuals can overcome the deficiencies that cause the problem.

Not only medications are used to treat these illnesses; there are also psychological treatments and other training that can try to help individuals overcome these neurological problems. How great it is that we live in a day when we can get help for neurological conditions that in the past were often ignored.

 

DEPRESSIVE DISORDERS

I have suffered with clinical depression for over almost 30 years.  The medication to control this doesn’t make me feel happy all the time, or not allow me to feel sadness—it just makes me normal--to feel normal emotions at normal times, without the chemical imbalance skewing the situation.

I recall the moment I realized just how bad my depression was; I was driving and stopped at a light and some young people laughing and talking walked by in front of me. I remember thinking that I couldn’t imagine laughing at anything—it was literally beyond my comprehension at that time. It was like a bell went off in my head and I realized that I wasn’t just discouraged—I was mentally ill, if I couldn’t imagine laughing. That was the point when I sought treatment for my ailment.

(In discussing the following disorders, I am taking their descriptions from the government’s National Institute for Mental Illness’ website to be as accurate as possible.)

  

Depressive Disorders: “Everyone occasionally feels blue or sad. But these feelings are usually short-lived and pass within a couple of days. When you have depression, it interferes with daily life and causes pain for both you and those who care about you. Depression is a common but serious illness.[1]” [In this article, I am discussing only Major Depression, and not the other disorders, including Persistent depressive disorder, Psychotic depression, Postpartum depression, Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and Bipolar disorder because I haven’t had experience dealing with these.]

“Depressive illnesses are disorders of the brain. Brain-imaging technologies, such as

magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), have shown that the brains of people who have depression look different than those of people without depression. The parts of the brain involved in mood, thinking, sleep, appetite, and behavior appear different. But these images do not reveal why the depression has occurred. They also cannot be used to diagnose depression.[2]”

What are the signs and symptoms of depression? “People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. The severity, frequency, and duration of symptoms vary depending on the individual and his or her particular illness.

“Signs and symptoms include:

·         Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings

·         Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism

·         Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness

·         Irritability, restlessness

·         Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

·         Fatigue and decreased energy

·         Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions

·         Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping

·         Overeating, or appetite loss

·         Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

·         Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment.[3]”

My paternal grandmother had what I think today would be diagnosed as depression. However, not much was known enough about these disorders then, and for a number of years she was in bed. No one ever knew what was wrong with her—she was just too sick to function.

ADHD/ADD

When my child who suffers from ADD was born, I thought that if only I was a better parent, he would act like a normal child and not have any of the symptoms which I later learned were that of Attentive Disorder. Now that I have grandchildren with ADHD or ADD, I understand that my parenting style may not have been as important as I thought.

ADHD (or as these are often called, Inattentive disorder). “Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is one of the most common childhood disorders and can continue through adolescence and adulthood. Symptoms include difficulty staying focused and paying attention, difficulty controlling behavior, and hyperactivity (over-activity).

·         “Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive

o   Most symptoms (six or more) are in the hyperactivity-impulsivity categories.

o   Fewer than six symptoms of inattention are present, although inattention may still be present to some degree

.

·         “Predominantly inattentive

o   The majority of symptoms (six or more) are in the inattention category and fewer than six symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity are present, although hyperactivity-impulsivity may still be present to some degree.

o   Children with this subtype are less likely to act out or have difficulties getting along with other children. They may sit quietly, but they are not paying attention to what they are doing. Therefore, the child may be overlooked, and parents and teachers may not notice that he or she has ADHD.

·         “Combined hyperactive-impulsive and inattentive

o   Six or more symptoms of inattention and six or more symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity are present.

o   Most children have the combined type of ADHD.”[4] 

These may be actions we all have at times, but in the person with ADHD, these are constant problems.

One might have a little ADD, and never be diagnosed, or have a lot of ADD and not be able to adapt to school at all. But it all cases, something short-circuits the focus of the individual, so their mind cannot complete normal tasks in a normal way.

I have family members with ADD, and for some, the right medication can be like the drug in the TV series, Limitless. Their mind suddenly functions correctly. In others, cognitive training can help overcome this disability.

Dealing with family members with ADD is like an analogy someone once used for having a child with Down’s Syndrome; you think you are arriving in England, but instead you are in the Netherlands. Your life is just different than you expected—not worse, just different. 

As a mother of a child with ADD, a constant feeling was that of frustration—but it was like trying to expect a child to change the color of their eyes. They are who they are—many are more intelligent and more creative than others without the disorder, but they have handicaps they have to overcome to succeed.

Whenever I think about how hard it is for a person with ADD to think or work, I recall that whenever I have a migraine, I can’t think straight (or walk straight—I am very unbalanced). I can’t think of common words to explain things; it is like my mind is frozen. So although I don’t have ADD, I can empathize with those who can’t focus or think when their ADD is bad. I am sure it is similar to when I have a migraine and getting frustrated trying to think or do things, that only makes it worse.

ANXIETY DISORDER

I think my family taught us to worry ourselves sick about everything. If we were late coming home, my father was sure we had been in an accident. If I felt sick, he was sure I had a fatal illness. I always thought it was a trained behavior, but if it becomes bad enough, it can become Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD).

Anxiety disorder: “Occasional anxiety is a normal part of life. You might feel anxious when faced with a problem at work, before taking a test, or making an important decision. Anxiety disorders involve more than temporary worry or fear. For a person with an anxiety disorder, the anxiety does not go away and can get worse over time. These feelings can interfere with daily activities such as job performance, school work, and relationships.[5]”

“While some symptoms, such as fear and worry, occur in all anxiety disorders, each disorder also has distinctive symptoms.

•  Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
•  Panic Disorder
•  Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia)[6]”

NIMH, National Institute of Mental Health explains about each type of disorder:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): “All of us worry about things like health, money, or family problems. But people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) are extremely worried about these and many other things, even when there is little or no reason to worry about them. They are very anxious about just getting through the day. They think things will always go badly. At times, worrying keeps people with GAD from doing everyday tasks.[7]”

“Panic Disorder: “People with social phobia tend to:

·         Be very anxious about being with other people and have a hard time talking to them, even though they wish they could

·         Be very self-conscious in front of other people and feel embarrassed

·         Be very afraid that other people will judge them

·         Worry for days or weeks before an event where other people will be

·         Stay away from places where there are other people

·         Have a hard time making friends and keeping friends

·         Blush, sweat, or tremble around other people

·         Feel nauseous or sick to their stomach when with other people.[8]”

Social Phobia (Social Anxiety Disorder): “People with social phobia tend to:

• Be very anxious about being with other people and have a hard time talking to them, even though they wish they could
•  Be very self-conscious in front of other people and feel embarrassed
• Be very afraid that other people will judge them
• Worry for days or weeks before an event where other people will be
•  Stay away from places where there are other people
• Have a hard time making friends and keeping friends
• Blush, sweat, or tremble around other people
• Feel nauseous or sick to their stomach when with other people.[9]”

My maternal grandmother developed what we would call “Social Phobia,” as she grew older. She found it difficult to be in social situations, including church, which she normally loved to attend. My aunt explained that as much as Grandmother enjoyed going to church, she would become anxious, to the point of illness, when she attended.

“The study results also attach numbers to molecular evidence documenting the importance of heritability traceable to common genetic variation in causing these five major mental illnesses. Yet this still leaves much of the likely inherited genetic contribution to the disorders unexplained – not to mention non-inherited genetic factors. For example, common genetic variation accounted for 23 percent of schizophrenia, but evidence from twin and family studies estimate its total heritability at 81 percent. Similarly, the gaps are 25 percent vs. 75 percent for bipolar disorder, 28 percent vs. 75 percent for ADHD, 14 percent vs. 80 percent for autism, and 21 percent vs. 37 percent for depression.

“It is encouraging that the estimates of genetic contributions to mental disorders trace those from more traditional family and twin studies. The study points to a future of active gene discovery for mental disorders” said Thomas Lehner, Ph.D., chief of the NIMH Genomics Research Branch, which funds the project.[10]”

But I am encouraged by the fact that we live in a day and age when these common disorders can be diagnosed and relief can often be achieved. Unlike my paternal grandmother with depression and my maternal grandmother with social phobia, today there is help—medication, therapy, psychological training that can help us deal with these problems and allow the individuals so afflicted to live more normally.

Unfortunately, there is no “Limitless” pill that can make our minds work at miracle speed today. But I look forward to the next life when our minds will function limitlessly and looking back on our temporal minds’ limits will make us laugh. Until then, I will rely on what help is available, and be grateful that we have it.

  

---

[1] http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/ “Depression”

[2] Ibid. “Depression”

[3] Ibid., “Anxiety disorders”

[4] Ibid., “Attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd”

[5] http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/ ”What are Anxiety Disorders”

[6] Ibid: “Signs and Symptoms”

[7] Ibid. “Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)”

[8] Ibid. “Panic Disorders”

[9] Ibid. “Social Phobia (Social Anxiety Disorder.”

[10] Ibid., New Data Reveal Extent of Genetic Overlap Between Major Mental Disorders

The Key to My Dreams

Can you wrap a dream in gift wrap and give it to someone? Can you tie up hopes in red satin bows and make them come true? The Christmas of 1961 my parents found gifts that were the key to my dreams and changed my frozen heart to one filled with optimism.

Christmas of 1961 was cold and bitter, but I seldom felt its frigid bite because my heart was enclosed in a casing of ice. It was my senior year of high school, but I had allowed one decision (to not go out for pep club) to warp my whole year. It had appeared to be a simple choice, based on the fact that I didn’t care for sports and I had responsibilities at home. However that one choice had drastically changed relations between my friends and me. Furthermore it had changed how I viewed my future.

My friends went to school early to practice for pep club. They stayed afterwards for the games and activities. I walked to school by myself, hid in the library at lunch, studied during the pep rallies and pretended that I was happy. My friends planned excitedly to go away to this or that college, while I began to question whether college for me was an impossible dream. Rather than mention my fears, I withdrew from the few activities that I still participated with my friends in, and embraced my resentment like a prickly hair shirt. When my friends filled their wish lists with luggage and clothes for their college life, I didn’t even dare make a wish list.

It was more than pep club that divided me from my friends that year, but pep club was an easy scapegoat. My older brother had left for a mission for our church which put an economic strain on our family, but my mother’s failing health spelled doom to my dreams of college. My dreams of going away to college seemed selfish and impossible.

Perhaps if I had talked about how much college meant to me it would have been different, but I couldn’t. I was terrified if I said one word about college, the bitter truths that ruled my life at home would shatter my hopes like brittle glass. It was easier to hold the pain inside, letting it freeze my hopes and distort my attitude. I became secretive and resentful. Rather than enjoying the season, I made life miserable for everyone.

When Dad offered to take me shopping, I griped that I had too much to do. When Mother asked what I wanted for Christmas, I snapped back, "Why even ask? We can’t afford anything anyway!" My younger brother and sisters quieted in my presence, fearful I’d bite their heads off as sport. Eventually most of my friends began to avoid me.

My mother knew that I was unhappy, but I obstinately refused to tell her what had blighted my life. Perhaps I felt that it would be one more heavy burden for her to carry so I refused to let on how much college meant to me. My sweet mother with her gentle smile and unselfish heart had quit high school to support her family when her father died during the Great Depression. She was very intelligent, but she had never even been able to finish high school. In some unexplainable manner, previously I felt that I needed to get an education both for myself and for her. Now that my college dreams seemed impossible, I buried my hopes beneath a surly attitude and made myself miserable. I knew no one could find the key to unlock my dreams.

That Christmas morning dawned cold and clear. I growled when the younger kids tried to entice me to see what Santa had brought because I knew that what I wanted most could not be found under a Christmas tree. But I was wrong.

Santa hadn’t left a bushel of expensive trinkets for any of us. But my parents, with perception and hope had unlocked my heart with two unique and special gifts—a small bound book of Emily Dickenson’s poetry and a vinyl soundtrack of my favorite musical, Carnival. I looked at my mother and began to cry.

“How did you know I loved Emily Dickenson?” I sobbed.

“I called all your friends until I found out what you’d been talking to them about. You’ve always wanted to be a writer, and Sharon told me that your favorite poet was Emily Dickenson. The book will be useful when you begin your English studies at college next fall. Linda told me that you loved Broadway musicals. I hope you like the one I picked out; maybe it will do until you see one on Broadway someday.”

My dad was mumbling about the gifts he wished he could have given me. He said that when he won the lottery he’d buy me bushels of Janzten sweaters. But I didn’t hear him.

Through my tear-filled eyes, I could see their vision for me. It was a vision that I hadn’t dared dream about—that my mother would not live long enough to see.

Gifts are merely symbols of what we would really like to give others. For how can you wrap love inside silver paper? How can you place a red satin bow around dreams? How can you gift someone with hope and confidence? That Christmas my mother had searched for the key to my dreams. And she had succeeded.