My mother had a very
soft, gentle voice, similar to that of Marilyn Monroe or Jackie Kennedy. She
never yelled or raised her voice, which I always admired because I have a loud
voice that carries a long way. In addition, my mother never criticized or
complained about others, and NEVER gossiped about others; in fact she often
complimented people and said kind things to and about others.
I recall that she went out of her way to be kind to those
that others looked down upon or those who others felt were not important. She did
not go to every baby or wedding shower, but if it was for someone who wasn’t
“popular” or well-known, she would always be there. Perhaps it was because she
had grown up as part of a poor, “immigrant” family whom others looked down on,
she was very aware of those who did not fit in or who were different, and
always tried to make them feel welcome.
Another thing my mother never allowed is gossip. If we nit-picked
or complained about others, or gossiped, she would kindly but gently stop us
and remind us that we shouldn’t do that. She was a very non-confrontational
person who did not like arguing or disagreements, but one of the few times I
saw her stand up for herself and disagree with someone, it was about gossiping.
Her visiting teachers were at our house, and somehow they
began to gossip about another member (or situation) in the ward. Mother tried
to turn the conversation back to the lesson or to something else, but the one
sister kept talking about the gossip.
Finally my mother gently but firmly told the sisters that
she did not want to hear the gossip, and asked a question about something else.
I was so amazed that my mild mother could be so blunt, especially when she was
not gossiping—just listening. But I realized she was just living what she had
taught us—she did not want to be around people who were gossiping.
I
thought of what President Thomas S. Monson said in a general conference talk in
April 2009, “May I speak first about the courage to refrain from judging
others. Oh, you may ask, ‘Does this really take courage?’ And I would reply
that I believe there are many times when refraining from judgment—or gossip or criticism, which are certainly akin to
judgment—takes an act of courage.”
