One Wild Windy Thursday Night

It was one wild, windy Thursday night. One of the worst wind storms of the year; it tore up trees, knocked out power for 12 hours and made it difficult to travel. Everything unlocked down was blown away, and travel was dangerous along the freeway where semi-trucks and high-profile trucks lined the shoulder. They were afraid to drive along I-15 in Davis County where the winds reached 60 and 70 mph, overturning vehicles that tried to drive along them. At 5:00pm, a gust reaching 80 mph one of the highest recorded blasts of the night, ripped through Centerville. 

I realized how fragile life was that night as my own medical storm took place at Lakeview Hospital. I had been being admitted to the hospital the night before with a kidney stone. They took me into surgery on that windy Thursday afternoon to remove the stone and I crashed. I had septic shock and D.I.C. neither of which are good, and together are very dangerous. Septic shock is a very complex process wherein infection in the body gets out of hand and an overwhelming inappropriate immune response occurs throughout the body, blood pressure plummets, overtaxing the heart and leading to organ failure and often death. It is not the infection that is so dangerous—it is the body’s response!

Disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIC) is a rare, life-threatening condition that prevents a person's blood from clotting normally. It may cause excessive clotting (thrombosis) or bleeding (hemorrhage) throughout the body and leads to shock, organ failure, and death. 

Luckily, despite both these life-threatening occurrences, I was in the best place to be treated for it, and within minutes I was in the I.C.U. and they were reversing the effects of the medical conditions that had occurred. Even luckier, I was totally unconscious of what was happening. 

granddaughter Skye

What I want to address is my memories and experiences of the week-long experience. The only thing I can remember from my time in I.C.U. is praying that the Lord’s will be done. For too many times in the past, I had selfishly prayed not to have a trial, not to have cancer, to be healed no matter what. I didn’t know what was happening in this experience, (most of the time I was not conscious), but with whatever conscious that I had, I wanted the Lord to know I wanted His will to be done—not mine. Over and over, my only thought was—“thy will be done—not mine.” 

One other small memory from the I.C.U.—I remember my granddaughter Skye sitting and holding

daughter Athena

my hand. How comforting that felt. I was so glad she was there. I don’t remember anything else from those three days in I.C.U.; I only remember “waking” in the hospital room with my family there.

My daughter Athena who lives in Layton, Utah, not far from us, had been with me in the I.C.U. almost from the first. She had been there all night that long night that they didn’t know whether I’d make it or not. She said I was very confused and asked, “Where are they? Where are they?” but I couldn’t tell her who ‘they’ were. (I don’t remember this or anything else in the I.C.U.) I didn’t know where I was; I had no idea what had happened, but when she told me, I asked again. She would try to sleep, but whenever I would start talking, she would see if she could calm me. She said at times I was delirious and she couldn’t understand me. It is always the role of women to stay with the ill throughout the night, comforting and caring for them. 

daughter Diana

My younger daughter Diana lives in Chicago and she was more distraught because she was far away and there was nothing she could do but worry. She sent me an email that night that described her experience: “Tonight I was also thinking about how I hated that you had to suffer through this alone (I know Athena is there with you but since you aren't awake it's hard for you to know that) and while I was thinking about that and praying that Heavenly Father would be there with you and comfort you I had the most overwhelming feeling that your mom and Aunt Coleen were there with you—[both were deceased]. It was almost as if someone was telling me not to worry that I can't be there because they were there with you and would stay by your side the whole time.”

As Diana explained, I had my family—on both sides of the veil—with me that long night. As in so

Mother

many times in this life when we struggle, we have our family and our friends, supporting us, helping us, on both sides of the veil.

The words from Psalms 23:4 comforted me. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”  Psalms 23: 4. I know that God is always there to comfort me. I had not consciously thought that he sends others to comfort and strengthen us as well. But of course he does. 

deceased sister Coleen

Something several people wanted to know was “Did I see the light? Did I see my mother or sister?” I didn’t because I didn’t come close to dying!!! When Diana told me about her experience that she knew my deceased mother and sister had been with me that night, I knew it was true; they had been there. I hadn’t felt them because I was too drugged up or unconscious. I may have felt them then but didn’t remember it now. 

I used to read lots of “near-death” of “life after death” experiences to see what people experienced when they died and were brought back to death. So many experienced seeing their bodies separate from their “souls” and leaving their bodies behind to go to a beautiful place of love. Family members who had passed away met them when they died and told them to go back when they were “brought back to life.” Various renditions of the same experience, but essentially the same. 

One day I was reading such a story, and I had an epiphany. I didn’t need to read such a story to know that when we die, we go to a spirit world, filled with love. I know, as surely as if I had had a near-death experience that when I die, my soul will leave my earthly body behind, my loved ones will greet me and escort me to a spirit world of love. That is all that I need to know! I haven’t read those types of stories since because I know more surely than the books what is real. 

Another lesson I learned from my experience is the power of prayer!!!! I’ve always known how powerful prayer was, but I’ve never felt it as potently as I did this time. It was Fast Sunday when I was in the hospital and my ward fasted and prayed for me. My oldest son, along with my youngest son, my husband, son-in-law, brother-in-law gave me a blessing that same day. My son was the voice and told me that “I would feel the love, concern, and prayers of those who cared about me.” I testify that I really did. It felt like a warm bubble that surrounded me and comforted me that protected me from all my worries and fears. I have never felt anything like it before. I didn’t worry about Thanksgiving coming, or Christmas shopping, or whether I would get better; I knew everything would be okay. I knew people cared about me and were praying for me. 

Even when I was stable from the septic shock and D.I.C., my body refused to cooperate. I developed pneumonia. Then my asthma kicked in and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. But I could still feel the prayers helping me. Even when my pericarditis kicked in and I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t get discouraged as I normally do when it hits. Again I felt the comfort of the prayers—the peace made me realize that I could conquer anything. It was only a few days and it would switch off, and I’d be better, and it was. 

My recovery has not been as fast or as easy as I would have wished it would have been, but I have appreciated those who have done kind things for me. I am grateful for a wonderful visiting teacher who dropped by with small things that brightened my day when I had a hard time eating; my dear sister Janet who always is so kind and thoughtful in many ways! The Relief Society presidency was so kind and checked up on me briefly when it was hard for me to talk or visit. I appreciated their understanding; I needed sleep and rest. My daughter Athena always knew what needed to be done and did it, whether it was chicken noodle soup or decorating for Christmas. How overwhelmed I would have been without her and her family!

One last comment. I am glad to know that when I was delirious, I didn’t change my personality. They said I kept planning things—I said I needed to help with a youth activity; I was worried about Thanksgiving dinner and had given the waitress my list of ingredients to buy for it. I’ve always wondered if I had no inhibitions, what would I be like—funny, mean? Apparently, I’d just be the same, worried about all the things to do. Athena was nice enough to video-tape me on her phone answering her questions when I was delirious, so she could show me how “crazy” or “normal” I was. With Bryan, I told him “Happy Halloween” then realized that was wrong, corrected myself and said, “Merry Christmas” (it was a few days before Thanksgiving). I guess I was as crazy as ever.

Life is fragile. We never know what will happen from day to day. We never know when powerful storms—real or figurative—will hit our lives. How grateful I am that I had the chance to recover and enjoy my family that Christmas season. How grateful I am for all the friends and neighbors whose prayers I felt during my recovery. I truly feel that Christmas season will be one of the blessed of my life.