The Courage Not to Gossip

                 My mother had a very soft, gentle voice, similar to that of Marilyn Monroe or Jackie Kennedy. She never yelled or raised her voice, which I always admired because I have a loud voice that carries a long way. In addition, my mother never criticized or complained about others, and NEVER gossiped about others; in fact she often complimented people and said kind things to and about others.

I recall that she went out of her way to be kind to those that others looked down upon or those who others felt were not important. She did not go to every baby or wedding shower, but if it was for someone who wasn’t “popular” or well-known, she would always be there. Perhaps it was because she had grown up as part of a poor, “immigrant” family whom others looked down on, she was very aware of those who did not fit in or who were different, and always tried to make them feel welcome.

                 Another thing my mother never allowed is gossip. If we nit-picked or complained about others, or gossiped, she would kindly but gently stop us and remind us that we shouldn’t do that. She was a very non-confrontational person who did not like arguing or disagreements, but one of the few times I saw her stand up for herself and disagree with someone, it was about gossiping.

Her visiting teachers were at our house, and somehow they began to gossip about another member (or situation) in the ward. Mother tried to turn the conversation back to the lesson or to something else, but the one sister kept talking about the gossip.

                Finally my mother gently but firmly told the sisters that she did not want to hear the gossip, and asked a question about something else. I was so amazed that my mild mother could be so blunt, especially when she was not gossiping—just listening. But I realized she was just living what she had taught us—she did not want to be around people who were gossiping.

              I thought of what President Thomas S. Monson said in a general conference talk in April 2009, “May I speak first about the courage to refrain from judging others. Oh, you may ask, ‘Does this really take courage?’ And I would reply that I believe there are many times when refraining from judgment—or gossip or criticism, which are certainly akin to judgment—takes an act of courage.”