My Memories of Thanksgivings

Ed and I got married on the day before Thanksgiving 48 years ago in the Logan Temple. We joked at the time that it was so we would always have something to be thankful for in the future.  The one thing I have not been grateful about is that we never go out to dinner for our anniversary because it is always Thanksgiving.

 Thanksgiving has been a special time for us as we remember our years together as well as all the other blessings we give thanks for at this time of years. We have been truly blessed with health, adequate money for our needs, children, grandchildren and one great-grandchild, and opportunities to travel all over the world. The blessings of the gospel are so precious and they enrich our lives and help us appreciate all the other blessings.

Growing up in Bountiful, my dad worked at Hill Field and he always invited military men who had no family to Thanksgiving dinner with us and we always had lots of extended family to eat dinner with us. However, for Ed and I, Thanksgiving dinner has always been a more nuclear family affair.

Part of that is because for over 22 years we lived in the military and never lived near family. So Thanksgiving dinner was just Ed, I and our children. I don’t recall us sharing dinner with friends very often although I am sure we did a few times. It was always more a personal family time.

Another tradition also made our Thanksgivings different--there is a military tradition that the commander always eats dinner with the troops in the mess hall on Thanksgiving Day. So Ed would dress up in his dress blues and we’d go to the mess hall each Thanksgiving Day and eat dinner with Ed’s troops. It was a formal occasion and all Ed’s troops would greet us as we mingled with them.

This was not a fun social occasion, mind you, but a command performance! So Ed wanted his own Thanksgiving dinner afterwards. When we came home from the mess hall I would roast a turkey and make all the fixings for a Thanksgiving Dinner for Ed, I and the children! The first few years I thought he was joking about me making a big Thanksgiving after eating at the mess hall, but he wasn’t—he had to have his own homemade turkey dinner.

Eating at the Mess Hall

As he advanced in rank and we continued to go to dinners with his troops, I couldn’t convince him that THAT dinner was thanksgiving dinner; he insisted that NO—that was duty. Dressing in dress blues and talking politics with all his troops and being on command was NOT Thanksgiving! So I continued to cook a Thanksgiving dinner after enjoying Thanksgiving dinner I had not made in the mess hall.

 Ed loved Thanksgiving. He could feast and feast and watch five days of football. For me it was drudgery! I spent days in the kitchen preparing and cleaning up while everyone else enjoyed the holiday. Ed could not understand why it became my least favorite holiday. Especially during the 20 years I worked full time, I dreaded all the time I worked during my “time off,” cooking and cleaning for Thanksgiving and never got a moment’s rest. I was almost glad it was over and I could get back to my paid job.

Marlowe, My Christmas Baby

There were several times I had a reprieve from cooking a Thanksgiving Dinner. One was when Ed was in Vietnam during his two tours. Both times I was pregnant with our sons. Our first, Marlowe,  was born three weeks after Thanksgiving so I really had a lot to be grateful for; the other was born three months after Thanksgiving. I don’t recall having a big Thanksgiving Dinner with my Dad and siblings in Utah either time.

Ed Leaves for Vietnam Nov 1970

The year Ed left for his 2^nd tour of Vietnam was rough; he left for Vietnam several weeks before Thanksgiving (when I was pregnant with my third child, and my oldest had not yet turned three). I remember I was so overwhelmed and discouraged about being alone with my little ones for a year while Ed was flying helicopters in a war zone. However by Thanksgiving I had realized how grateful I was for all the blessings I did have; I did have the spirit of Thanksgiving that year—thankful for all that I had instead of complaining of what I didn’t have lasted me all year.

Two other times were when I was in the hospital on Thanksgiving. One time I was in Alabama and had just had a mastectomy and was recovering, but still in the hospital. My brother Gary and his wife Patty had Thanksgiving with my family at home (I have no idea who made dinner). I was just so grateful they caught the breast cancer early. The other time I was in the hospital in Sacramento, and again my brother Gary and Patty came to share Thanksgiving with my family. I was/am grateful for family who support us in our trials. 

Eventually I realized how petty I was in resenting all the work involved in preparing a big Thanksgiving dinner. I also realized I was always going to be cooking a big Thanksgiving dinner, so I cut back in many ways, and enjoyed the season. Ed helped by preparing the potatoes (one of my most hated jobs) and made his favorite recipe, sweet potatoes. I have bought the pies, instead of killing myself making them. I’ve bought rolls, (who cares if they are not homemade), and often cooked a turkey breast rather than a whole turkey. I’ve even bought salads. But I refuse to compromise on one thing; I refuse to make stovetop stuffing instead of the real thing.

After we retired from the military and moved back to Utah, we joined in with my dad and the extended family again in large Thanksgiving dinners, but again, Ed still wanted his own roasted turkey at home so he could have leftovers. So often we would go to a big extended family feast and afterwards, we would come home and I would put in a turkey. Since my dad passed away, we haven’t had the large extended family dinners, and again it just had dinner with whichever of our married children and their families lived nearby, and Bryan.

Ed reading to Aiden, Thanksgiving 2010 in Chicago

Last year we did something we have never done in all 48 years; we flew to Chicago to spend dinner with Diana, Jason and her new baby, Aiden in Chicago. It was truly the first year I can remember I did not roast a turkey. We left Bryan in Utah so he ate Thanksgiving dinner with friends and with Athena’s family. [The last eighteen months  we have “abandoned” Bryan for every holiday in the year (plus two of his birthdays) while we were in Los Angeles for Ed’s lung transplant, in Australia and New Zealand, in Chicago with Diana, and in Seattle with Marlowe and his family. Don’t feel sorry for him, though; he had four different invitations for Thanksgiving when he publicized he was alone for Thanksgiving and didn’t mention Athena being here]. 

Although I have quit griping about always roasting a turkey no matter where we have Thanksgiving dinner (except for last year at Diana’s house in Chicago), I realize how grateful I am for all our bountiful blessings—material, spiritual and emotional. I am grateful for my family, being able to be together as a family at Thanksgiving and if we cannot be together then, being able to talk to them often; being able to have all we have to eat, even if I have to cook it. I am grateful that they all have jobs; that we live in a free world. 

And someday, before I die, I am going to thoroughly enjoy Thanksgiving like men do—by not preparing any of it, and just relaxing and doing what I want all day!