I have a new camera so I have been taking online classes on how to use it. One of the first lessons was on lighting. I had Ed sit on a chair by the window and I took close-up pictures of him from every angle with the light coming from the window. The photos showed how the natural light from the window reflected the shadows on his face as it struck his face from various angles. When his face was completely backlit from the window, I took photos of his face in shadow, then turned on the flash to make it fill-flash the shadows.
Each picture looked different from the other, both in technique, and in mood. (I have not retouched the lighting with Photoshop or other programs.)
But what this exercise made me think about was how we look at things –our perspective—colors our view of life. We all know this is true from asking two people to describe the same encounter or meeting; we receive two different descriptions of the same thing. They see the same experience through the prism of their own understandings, their past. Also, their attitude at the time, for good or bad, colors the incidence colors for good or bad. Even the basic personality of the person influences an incidence tremendously. Frederick Langbridge said: “Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one the stars.”
Even the passage of time changes an incidence in our memory. What may have been a fairly mild experience may be colored by our memory to become a terrible incidence far worse than it originally was. The perspective of time, emotion, what has happened to us during the passage of time changes the memory until it warps the incident.
During much of my life I have written a journal and letters, keeping copies on my computer, of things that were important to me. This has been deliberate—to provide a record of the incidents and attitudes of that particular time. It has been a way for me to preserve a photograph of that moment in time, along with the feelings and information for the future.
I have tried to be as true as possible to record the truth, knowing of course that it is only “MY” truth I am recording. It has been interesting to look back and find “collaborating” evidence that validates my memory many times. It has also been interesting to find recently when reviewing my journal entry of my pregnancy with Bryan that I had built up Marc’s rebellion in my mind. When I talked to Marc, and then I checked with my journal I realized that Marc’s memory was correct, and the past had warped my memory. I was grateful I had my journal to correct my mistake.
It has been helpful to talk over some of our joint memories with Ed, as I find that I remember feelings connected to the memories much more strongly than the details of which day of the week, where we were, etc. Again, if I have recorded the experience in my journal, the details are recorded and it is valuable. Ed’s memory is more accurate as to days, places, even names. I laugh when he says, “Do you remember Lieutenant Blank’s wife in El Paso? She was really good-looking!” I don’t remember which women were attractive! And I never noticed which men were handsome; I only had eyes for Ed!!! But then when I say, “Do you remember that sister at Ft. Hood who was from Bountiful and who taught primary?” he looks at me like I’m crazy and rolls his eyes!
But perspective is perspective. No one can see things from your own perspective. No one can see things from the perspective of the past. Each experience in our life is painted with the emotions and memories of that time; when viewed from another time—the future—the perspective is different, so the memory may be different. When Ed left for Vietnam, I didn’t know whether he would return and his departure was drenched with those uncertainties. Looking back now, I can remember my feelings of that departure, but they are tempered by my certainty that he did return.
Another aspect of perspective that we often don’t think about is that of eternal perspective. Some people don’t even think that there is perspective other than that of today; they feel there was no life before this earth and will be no life after this one. But I know that this is but act II of a three-act play and to understand this life on earth, I must look at it with an appreciation of its eternal perspective.
The eternal perspective makes explains so many of life’s unanswerable questions and helps us bear our burdens, knowing that the third act will resolve many of the unsolvable problems we are dealing with today.
Years ago I was facing breast cancer, something that my mother and my aunts had died from. I was terrified and felt I could not deal with something that emotionally and physically threatened me. Instead, the lump the doctors thought was cancer was a false alarm, but soon afterwards, I was struck down by a severe case of post-streptococcal glomerular nephritis. For months I was so sick, and then as I recovered, I would suddenly have a relapse and I did not know when or if I would be well. I finally recovered from the nephritis, and then I was faced again with the possibility of breast cancer.
By then I realized that there are many things worse than losing a breast to cancer and many treatments that were not available in my mother’s day that could prevent me from dying like she had. My perspective of having cancer had changed dramatically because of the year I had had nephritis, and I accepted the diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer better than I would have earlier.
There are many things we do not understand now that we will know some day when we have an eternal perspective. Paul explained it in his words to the Corinthians: “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” 1 Cor. 13: 12
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